I’m not liking this. Here I am trying to solidify my bid for inclusion in the Techdirt Insight Community as the resident expert on “imaginary dialogues between corporate executives” and somebody comes along trying to muscle in on my turf.
I mean seriously — authorship of such classics as “BellSouth Makes an Offer You Can’t Refuse” and “No, seriously, comparing two things is ‘non-obvious’…” should have that TDIC slot locked up for me, right? Well you’d think so, but then along comes John Gruber of Daring Fireball with Conjectural Transcript of the Upcoming Negotiations Between Apple and Universal Music and suddenly the field is wide open again. Imagines Gruber:
Jobs: But I have a better idea.
Jobs leans forward, and arches his eyebrows.
Morris: OK, sure.
Jobs: How about you take one of those white Zunes and you turn it brown, Doug.
Jobs beams the full Steve Jobs smile.
Apple Attorney: Mr. Jobs is suggesting that you take a white Microsoft Zune 30 gigabyte digital music player and insert it into your rectum.
Jobs: In fact, how about one for each of you? (Gestures to Universal attorneys.) Seven Zunes — that should double their sales for the week.
Jobs: And Universal Music will get seven dollars.
Jobs sits back in his chair, beaming proudly.
Morris has broken out in a bit of a sweat. He wipes his forehead.
Morris: Steve, I don’t think this…
Jobs: Doug, it’s not a problem at all. The Zunes are on me.
I’ve got my eye on you, Gruber…just make with the insightful commentary and leave the imaginary dialogues alone, eh?